-Danica Whitfield
Family...what makes a group of people "family"? Is it shared genes? Some type of shared blood line?
I was talking to a friend about this and his response was shared blood. Even when you're not close to a family member, that thought and that concept is still in your head. You're still thinking about it. For example, even if you're detached yourself from your dad, and he's kicked out of the family house, in the end, he's still family. It's still in your head. That makes sense.
My family: my mom, my sister, my brother, my dad, my stepdad, my uncles and aunts, my cousins.
My mom's side of the family...we're tight. We'll support each other, be there for each other, treat each other, lend each other money when another is in need, make an effort to see each other. In my family, family is important, and you have to make an effort to maintain what is important.
I am lucky. I started thinking about this quote because my family are my friends as well.
I have a close relationship with my mom. She's one of my closest friends, and a lot of people can't say that. I'm extremely blessed. She's someone I respect as a mother and as a boss. She's generous and caring and always making sure I'm well-fed. She's easy to talk to, listens to my stories, gives reasonable feedback from her years of experience. She's patient and kind. We'll spend car rides or lunches or dinners just chit-chatting about our personal lives, our friends, or even work.
Then there's my brother and my sister. The other day we were all in the same room, me sitting with my feet to my chest on the bed, my sister sitting on a chair, and my brother folding clothes. We were just hanging out, listening to relationship drama and giving advice. I thought of that quote above...how lucky I was to be friends with my siblings. How cool it was that we are only a year and a half apart each.
However, to me, family surpasses a bloodline, because there are families I have that are not blood related. Family, to me, is someone you KNOW, without a doubt, that will be there for you when push comes to shove. They are close to you, they care about your well-being, and they will continue to care for you and support you until the day you die. Friends come and go, but family is there for life. That means they have to stand the tests of time.
My Roomies. 3 of them: Kim, Diane, and Tika...all of us are totally different.
How it came about: Kim and Tika were freshmen roommates and Diane was their floormate in the dorms. I knew Kim from a student org, and ta-da!...a long-lasting roomieship.
Well, it was strange at first. I roomed with Diane, even though I didn't know her at first, but like a family, you can't choose it. It is what it is. And it ended up being perfect for me. Diane and I were more messy than Kim and Tika so it worked out because the organized messes and tornado of clothes didn't really bother me or her.
All 3 of us went from the apartment on Shattuck for 2 years to the apartment on Channing the last year when all of us slept in one bedroom. We had roomie outings to ICI (ice cream), home-cooked feasts, study dates, celebrated birthdays together, and more. My favorite birthday cake to this day is still the cheesecake that Diane made for me...the only cake that anyone has baked for me. Tika and I used to stay up pretty late studying, talking, exchanging quotes and stories on love and life, and eating fried foods. Kim and I have the most similar interests, right now being public health and Vietnam. Even with all that, I think I underestimated our friendship. Two years later, even when Tika was in Washington DC, Kim was in Vietnam, Diane was in San Jose, CA and I was in Anaheim, CA, we were still writing emails on life updates. Our long emails consisted of our careers and romances and/or lackthereof as well as struggles with our passions, uncertainties, and unfulfilled expectations of ourselves.
For Diane's bday a few weeks ago, Diane and Tika flew down from Nor Cal and Kim and I met up with them, and we spent a long itinerary-full weekend together. Kim and Tika spent lots of time planning the weekend for Diane's bday, and I was mostly the chauffeur and DD. It reminded me how close we were and how close we'll stay when we all make an effort to see each other and keep in touch. I know we'll have plenty more roomie reunions to come.
The EAPers. EAP stands for Education Abroad Program. The people I went to EAP Vietnam with in Fall 2007, they're family for life. I guess like any family, it started as a situation of circumstance...15 other random people from UC's that happened to want to go to Vietnam the same semester as me. I still remember the day at the airport, being too shy to wear my light blue EAP shirt because I was intimidated to meet the others. Then we played Mafia at the layover in Taiwan. Great trust game to start off the trip, right?
Then the next 4 months spent in Vietnam, in Hanoi, visiting Central and Southern Vietnam too. We stayed in one building together, 16 of us dispersed across 4 floors, 2 rooms each floor. We had class together, but that was the minority of the trip, it felt. We ran around in the heavy rain together, we saw a snake being killed and then ate it together, we got jipped by Vietnamese people together, we sang karaoke together, we bussed together, we visited tons of museums together. We had each other's backs because in a foreign country, all you have is each other. I enjoyed my trip. It was an exciting and life-changing journey.
However, towards the end of the trip, I looked around and I thought that realistically, I wouldn't be keeping in touch with everyone. I mean...that's pretty unrealistic right? Keeping in touch with 15 others, some from UCLA and some from UCSD. I mean...the 5 other people that went to UC Berkeley, maybe, since I'll see them around campus...but then again, I'm not even close to everyone, so maybe but probably not.
We came back to the U.S. Then the death of one of our own happened. Cars were driving from SD and Berkeley into LA as soon as we all knew. Phone calls informing each other of the news. We spent the night in LA informing her FB friends about her death as well as the funeral. That's when I realized we were a family, like really a family.
A few weeks ago, we weren't hearing a response from one of the EAPers. Our texts and phone calls were unreturned...unlike him. We ended up finding him at a medical center. Those of us that knew informed the others and made visits to him as often as we could during visiting hours.
On top of that, being with the EAPers has pushed me to do active things that have pushed my body to the limits. We've hiked for 14hrs at Half Dome (Yosemite) and a 12 hours at the Narrows (Zion in Utah) and these people I would trust with my life...if I ever got injured or hurt, they would do the best they could to get me out and support me. Family's not a word to be thrown around. It's a serious word, and my EAP family, I would trust with my life.
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