Forgotten

Forgotten tastes
Forgotten smells
Forgotten sounds
Forgotten songs
Forgotten stories
Forgotten places
Forgotten acquaintances
Forgotten friends
Forgotten families
Forgotten emotions
Forgotten logic
Forgotten loves
Forgotten promises
Forgotten passions
Forgotten lessons
Forgotten blessings
Forgotten memories


Every second, life changes and the past and the present are either remembered or forgotten.

What do you make an effort to remember? What do you forget?
What will you be remembered for?
Will you be remembered or forgotten?

Late update

Sorry I have not updated weekly as I intended.

New Hangout

So I hung out with Julie and one of her friends, Daniel, and we all really hit it off and decided to commit to writing regularly with each other. It was so refreshing hanging out with people that you could talk about anything with from work to family to passions to religion...and fun that we share a hobby. It was just oh so refreshing...like running through the sprinkler on a hot day...or like opening a can of soda to hear that first pressure of air get released.

Oh yea, and the food at Artist Cafe is really really good too.

http://www.yelp.com/biz/cafe-artist-restaurant-garden-grove

We got chicken wings in tamarind sauce (that was my fav), fried frog legs, and bo luc lac ("shaken beef" in English?...it's diced beef basically with veggies...so JUICY). Yum yum.

Cooking New Food

My sister and I made Creamy Wild Rice Chicken Soup...but more her. It was delicious.

I've been lazy about this Cooking New Food one... :-( Perhaps some inspiration...or join me in cooking?

New Activities

Sawdust Art Festival

I went with my friend, Henoc, and it was the weirdest thing for us. We had a free ticket but it's like $6 admission in Laguna Beach. People showcase their art and sell them. Some look nice and some look really hand-made...all for high/over-priced prices. Everyone there, including Santa (haha), was white...except for Henoc and me. We were good with checking out the entire place and all the booths in less than an hour.

(I took some pictures, but I can't find my camera right now.)

Carving- snowboarding

I've been snowboarding a few times, but I always use heel side. I was inspired by Brian to carve, and I totally ate it in the snow...over and over again. I don't think I've ever been that sore...to the point where it hurt to just get up from the bed. Really really painful...my arms were really sore and it hurt to lift things, my stomach would hurt when I laughed, my knees were bruised. Anyway, I feel a lot better now, so I will stop crying about it. I think I will have to look up how to carve next time before I eat it again.

Publish Post

"Nhau" (verb)

I could never figure an exact English equivalent for the word, "nhau."

VERB

1. To have a good time with people.

Everyday, I walk from Point A to Point B, without half a glance at the in-between. Focused, driven, efficient. Tasks to-do and tasks completed. Organized in my head like check-lists. Done by this deadline.

But when I pass by people who are "nhau-ing," I see their bright red faces radiant with sun-like joy. They share their food and their drinks. They share their day-to-day, their experiences, their work, their love lives, their families, their past, their future, their reflections, spewing in one necessary session to release themselves. Stress and problems and cares are left until the next day. For today, they cheer with glasses, cups, cans, bottles, all raised up into the air, for things shared and for things forgotten. They cheer with anything because it really doesn't matter the form of container or the type of liquid. Moments are immortalized in times like this: times with friends, times with family, times with people.

In good company,

time

freezes.

2. To drink.

I'm the hero of the Party Poopers, a legitimate reason for them to go home. I'm the customer of the Baby Sitters, another reason for them to stay in business.

They call me the "one shot wonder." I'm a wonder...with one gulp of the invisible, my mind immediately blurs...and I wonder why it happens to no one else. I become red with scorching heat. I'm red with blood pulsating through my body. I'm red with an extra dose of emotions racing through my veins. I become red with silence. I'm red with sleep.

I'm a wonder, and I wonder why the molten liquid that is thoroughly enjoyed by most, even addictive to some, can burn my flesh so. I'm red with envy because the activity that bonds so many together in a communal state of inhibition and carelessness makes me puke.

Drinking or "nhau-ing"-- Everyone does it. It scares me. It isolates me.

Fresh Start

I said I would do new things, so here they are:

New Hangout
Last weekend, I met up with Mylinh in Downey. We tried to go to the popular Portos, but it was closed so we instead ended up going to a Chinese restaurant nearby. I met her at a mutual friend's going away party, and she's been active in trying to hang out with me, so we finally hung out. I'm so so glad I went. She's really cool.

She taught me the importance of not fearing and just being active in asking people to hang out if you want to get to know them. A lot of people (including myself sometimes) thinks it's weird to initiate or are scared that they may think I'm weird if I ask, but seriously...what's the worse that could happen?

New Activity

I went to an archery class with my friend, James. Bull's eye!

Orange County Archery

18792 Brookhurst St.

Fountain Valley, CA 92708

714-965-1125

$22 (including rentals) for a one-hour class where they teach newbies like me and him. It was cool...so random. The class is Sun 2-3pm or 3-4pm, but go to the later one...they let us stay an hour afterwards since there was no other class waiting. ;-)

Archery is something I've never done before. I used a 16lb bow. The arrow has a little nitch to fit into the string of the bow. There are different kinds of bows: bare bow, long bow, commander (I think that's the right word?...I think...it doesn't look like the bow you would imagine...it looks more complicated and often has a "sight" to see exactly where you're shooting and a trigger). It has 3 fan things on the tail and one particular one should be pointed towards you.

James and I also met this guy, Chu Dung ("Zung"). He was really cool and let us shoot his heavy red bow too. His bow was so so sexy....it was a sports car red. Italian bow, he said. He was really friendly, and he told us that he started because he saw a movie where one of the characters started archery, so one day he just decided to do it, and he fell in love with it. He shoots at last 100 arrows a day, and won a California championship for the bare bow. He also teaches archery privately for $30 an hour. I thought that was really cool...just giving yourself the opportunity to step out of your comfort zone to try something new and working at it hard enough to be top of your game. I really hope to see him again...or shoot with him again. :-)

New Dish
Ok...I kinda cheated on this one. Yes it is a dish I never made before, but I used the instant noodle packet to make it. I got out of work at 8pm, so I just whipped the dried instant noodle packet together with leftover Thanksgiving ham and tomatoes and greens (don't know what it's called but I eat it a lot...if you knwo w). My sister and I liked it.

For next time: Looking back on it, I should have added green onion. I'll also actually COOK a real dish next time...from scratch (or close to scratch).

Self Challenge

"When you choose to see the world as a classroom, you understand that all experiences are here to teach you something about yourself. And that your life's journey is about becoming more of who you are." -Oprah

Life in the working world quickly becomes monotonous, repetitive. I keep wondering what I'm supposed to be looking forward to? the next day of work?

I have free time. I want to do something with it...something valuable. I want to learn and grow. I want to challenge myself.

On my to-do list:

• See 30 friends in 30 days(non-consecutive): I wanna meet new people and see old friends...friends that I've lost touch with or have only had the opportunity of being acquainted with but never really gotten to know well. I want to focus on my relationships...they're so important but so easily forgotten. "Relationships are the arteries through which God gives us life."
• Cook more (perhaps a new dish every Monday?)
• Do 1 new thing a week (ex: doing a new activity, going to a new place, etc.)
• Run a marathon (in 2011)

Psychology research says if you write it down and tell your friends about it, you feel more accountable for it and you're more likely to do it.

I'll keep you posted.

Love Series Part 3: Loves, likes, crushes, and the like...

"In the end, it'll be ok. If it's no ok, then it's not the end."

This quote has gotten me through a lotta bad days.

I have felt like I was so in love with someone that I couldn't see myself being with anyone else. I have felt like someone was "the one." I have felt like there was such a magical chemistry that surpasses language, cultural, physical boundaries. I have felt like I would do anything for someone. I have felt like I would sacrifice a lot to be with someone. I have felt like I needed to be with someone. I have felt like I've liked someone forever and a half to the point of stupidity.

And this feeling...it comes and it goes. It feels strong, but I know it comes and goes, and I don't take it so seriously anymore. I'll recover, I'll heal, and I know it.

Funny how serious something could have seemed at the time could be such a minute thing in life now. When I was younger, everything was so much more dramatic...so much more magnified. I thought I was gonna like my middle school crush forever...for the rest of my life. Crazy youngin I was.

But in reality, loves, likes, crushes, and the like...they come and they go.

The beauty of the human mind is that as strongly as we feel about something, we forget. Time passes by, things fade away, and we forget...that is, if we choose to...if we choose to move on and not dwell on what has been or could have been...if we look to what could be and what will be. The truth is things will get better if you let them...so let go. Go out there and meet new people, explore new places, do new activities and let go. Don't take life so seriously.

I believe there is no one you can live without...if you want to...if you make the active choice to. Time passes by, you meet new people, and you recover and life will be ok. It'll be ok in the end. :-)

Love Series Part 2: Does love last forever?

I always ask people if love lasts forever. My mom says it does not...she says you can love someone for a period of time and feel like you could do anything for them and then not feel that way afterwards.

I look at divorces very curiously because I always think to myself that despite their shitty relationship right now, this couple that is fighting and arguing all the time...they were once "in love"...madly and deeply in love. They once believed in a lifetime together, they once envisioned a forever together, a marriage that would last the rest of their lives.

I always ask people that question..."Does love last forever?" I ask so I can hear what they say and why they say it, but I already have my own answer. To me, it does...it must...or how else could you distinguish the difference between like and love?

Love Series Part 1: Have you ever been in love before?

"How many times have you been in love?"

My friend answered something along the lines of this: At the time, I thought I was in love every time I said it, but over time, my definition of love has changed. Now looking back, I've really only been in love once.

Funny this concept of romantic love.

In middle school, I had a big crush on this guy. I looked forward to chatting with him on AIM everyday. I felt like I could confide in him and he made me laugh. Because of him, I looked forward to school and looked forward to going home. To me, that was love...the you're-the-reason-I-live-and-go-to-school type of love.

In high school, I met an older guy and chatted with him over AIM every day. Eventually that became talking on the phone every day. My first time really liking a guy. I looked forward to ending my day talking to him and was always excited to see him randomly at school even though I tried my best not to show it. When we held hands, there was a mixed feeling of comfort and excitement, and to this day, I still distinctly remember the feeling. To me, that was love...the my-heart-skips-a-beat for you kinda love.

Also in high school, I dated someone who was totally polar opposite of me. Everyone saw it, but you know what? Somehow we found common ground...the little things...like a radio station. When I dated him, I smiled when I came into classrooms and he taught me how to appreciate my family. I feel like he is the reason I appreciate my dad. I thought it would last longer than it did. It was my first time crying over a guy. To me, that must have been love...the heart-wrenching-damnit-it-was-supposed-to-work-out kinda love.

In college, I met a guy, a friend of a friend...my first boyfriend. Up until then, I never put must effort into a relationship because I didn't think it could last. He was the first guy I believed that..."hey, it might work out." We were both first-born children, both raised by our grandmas as our parents went to work, both Berkeley students...a lot in common. He took me on adventures and traveled with me to places that I've never been to. With him, I knew no bounds...and I was willing to wait for him for however long it took for him to want to be with me. It was the first time I told a guy that I loved him. It was the first time I realized how crazy girls, namely me, are. To me, that was love...the I-will-do-anything-to-be-with-you type of love.

After college, I met a guy in another country...and guess what? I fell "in love" again...a love that surpassed cultural and language barriers. Some type of shocking electric connection...the you-must-be-the-one type of love.

And I feel differently now.

Have I ever been in love? I don't even know how to answer that question.

The Meaning of Life

I think there must be more to life than this. Our lives are like a gust of wind. We are born and with certainty, we will die. Another day we live is another day we are closer to dying.

Then I keep wondering, what is the purpose of life if we live only a few decades at most? We all die, and most of us are forgotten. I cannot live forever, so I focus on the things that can continue. I want to contribute to things that will continue to grow, something that will last. I want to give back to the community. I want to produce positive change in the lives of others or promote change in organizations I'm involved with.

The Beauty of Traveling

I was watching the travel channel yesterday with a friend, and we talked about how people you meet abroad mean so much more to you. I still remember Xue from Shanghai (whom I met in VN), Polly from Hong Kong (met her at Korea's airport), Thuong from Malaysia, Ray Gordon from VN (who I got to see in the States)...funny how you can only meet some people once or twice and you want to open yourself up to them. If they ever come to Southern CA, I want to offer them my bunk bed. I dunno why!

If I met someone here, chances are I wouldn't try to contact them again, but when I meet them abroad, I'll make the effort to see them again. Maybe because choices are limited abroad...it's not like you're bombarded with friends or anything..."don't everyone try to hang out with me now." So you value them. When I have a common interest or commonality or just a comfort, I WILL see them again or at least email or FB them if I don't get the chance to see them again. When I'm traveling and when I'm abroad, I'm open...open to meeting people, open to exploring things, open to doing new things. And time is always limited when you're away, so I make the most of it.

My friend asked me if I could live forever, would I? I would not. Because if I knew I was gonna live forever, there would be so many things I probably wouldn't have done...when you know time is limited and opportunities to connect with people are limited, you take advantage of it.

Traveling is not only being in a different place, seeing different ways of living, and meeting different types of people. It's also approaching things more openly.

The Heart BeAtS for its Loves.

Today, I wore a shirt I never wore before. And I got a haircut. And I tweezed my eyebrows. And I used eyeliner. And I washed my car.

And no one noticed.

I didn't do it for anyone to notice, but I just wanted to go out and see someone today. Anyone. Any friend. Any friend I'm comfortable with. No one in particular.

I called about 5 people today and they were either busy or didn't pick up their phone. That's fine though. I get that. Everyone has a life of their own. And I'm busy sometimes too.

But I guess I'm losing a reason for my heart to beat. It beats for my work and that's just sad...For responsibilities that I carry, for the tasks I promised to do, for the people I promised them to, so I won't let them down, so I can follow through for them. But that's not what I want it to beat for.

I shouldn't take it to that extreme. I know....when I sit down and think about it, I know I have friends that would be there for me, that would listen if I needed someone to talk to, that care about me. That I know. And most of the names and faces I can think of are 7 hours away. Not to say I don't have friends down here too. I do. But they're busy. And sometimes I'm busy.

I come home and people are there...but they're not. My mom has a bf and they seem to always be doing fun things, going out, trying new restaurants, seeing friends...they seem to go out more than I do. My sister has a bf and he's almost always over...or she goes over there. And she has a best friend. They're cute together...and they feed off each other. Drama escalates when it is told by them. My brother has a laptop and a TV and it seems to be all he needs when he's at home...if he's at home, which he's usually not.

I find myself snapping at my sister and my dad when they ask me to do favors for them. I haven't figured out why. I complain about my brother not prioritizing the family, but maybe I just miss being closer to him. He rarely asks how I'm doing anymore and most of the time, tries to slip out of the house unnoticed without a considerate "I'm going here..." Even when I lived with roommates in college, we told each other where we were going...out of courtesy...so the other person wouldn't worry and would no where to find us if something went down. But I digress...

I miss college...I miss having roommates who were always there when I got home. I miss "studying" which was merely listening to music, talking to people, with science formulas and psychology slides on the desk. I miss spending time together for no reason. No plans, no destination, just being in each other's presence and keeping each other company. I miss having a bf...not for the bf itself but for the company...having a person that was ready to go out, hang out, try new things, see new places with me.

Maybe I've been with someone for so long and had people constantly around me for so long that I forgot how to be alone. I'm not used to it. Maybe I need to grow up and become less dependent. I need to adapt. I need to be more independent. I find myself often not going somewhere because there's no one to go with. And maybe I shouldn't. I should go anyway.

But humans are social creatures...things are meant to be enjoyed together. If you worked all day and went home and couldn't share it with anyone, where's the fun in that?

If you ask me if I'm ok, I will tell you yes I'm fine. "I'm fine" with a reassuring smile. I want you to be ok. Don't worry about me. But at night, I can't sleep and in the morning, I can't wake up. I'm missing something.