I've loved you for half my life, that is if I even know what "love" is. I've said it to 3 different people thus far, and I meant it every time when I said it, but looking back, I think it was real only once. It was you, and I knew it was different because with you, the feeling lasted. When I don't hear from you for a long time, your number flashing on my phone still makes my heart race. At the risk of sounding cheesy, it's true.
I've loved you for half my life. With you, it's always been a roller coaster of ups and downs. In physics, some charges attract and some repel, and that was the story of our relationship together from the day I met you. We got close and separated, got close and separated, got close and separated...always a work in progress, but the chemistry seemed magnetic because somehow we always found our way back to each other.
You call me your best friend. I'm scared to call you mine, but when I'm excited about life, I want to call you. When I did something new, I want to tell you. When I'm frustrated and worried, I want to share with you. When I'm sad and lonely, I want to see you. I miss you at the beginning of every morning and at the end of every night.
I don't want to believe I'm your best friend because you don't call me when you're happy or you're sad. You call me only when you want to satisfy yourself. Sometimes it feels like that's all I am to you...just a booty call. I want to be more to you. I want to hear from you from your triumphant moments to your fears and failures. I want to hear your everydays. I want to hear about all the new life lessons you've learned, the new friends you've made, the new experiences you've enjoyed. I miss that about us, but it's not fair to ask because what I'm really asking for is the relationship that we don't have anymore.
I don't want to believe I'm your best friend because when you meet someone new, she'll be your best friend, and I'll just be a friend you used to have. And if one day, you're in a position where you have to choose, I'll expect you to choose her because it's the right thing to do. I won't hold you to what you said, so I don't want to believe I'm your best friend because someday, maybe even today, it won't be true.
No two people are perfect or even perfect for each other. They just love each other enough through mountains of patience, tolerance, compromise, understanding, sacrifice, and appreciation. I heard an older couple say that love is just a measure of tolerance. I secretly hope that one day we have that level of patience, tolerance, and love to keep actively fighting through our misunderstandings to understand one another's needs and maintain a close relationship.
God, I know it's a lot to ask for, but you make miracles happen right?
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