I fear

Words. News. Articles. Conversations. TV. Movies. Radio. Music. Commercials.
An overwhelming influx of information distracting me from my own thoughts and feelings. Not enough moments of silence to process and evaluate myself, where I am in life, and where I want to be.

I fear that I will never relive the adventures of EAP VN, exploring new cities and meeting new people with utter freedom and not tied down to anything.  It was an experience I will never forget.  But at any moment that I am living and breathing, I can still see the world.  I should not fear as long as there is breath, life, and health in my body.

I fear that I will be abandoning the family business with not enough structure, help, and support to sustain itself.  But I shouldn't because it has survived 23 years without me and can and will continue.  I fear that I will leave my mom and sister to deal with the mess and the stress.  But I need to remember that I can be replaced.

I fear that I will disappoint my partner.  He aches for change, with inspiration and motivation, and I don't know where to start.  He needs more understanding, empathy, connectedness, and sacrifice and I'm scared I can't be all that he wants.  I'm scared I simply just don't have it in me.