Words. News. Articles. Conversations. TV. Movies. Radio. Music. Commercials.
An overwhelming influx of information distracting me from my own thoughts and feelings. Not enough moments of silence to process and evaluate myself, where I am in life, and where I want to be.
I fear that I will never relive the adventures of EAP VN, exploring new cities and meeting new people with utter freedom and not tied down to anything. It was an experience I will never forget. But at any moment that I am living and breathing, I can still see the world. I should not fear as long as there is breath, life, and health in my body.
I fear that I will be abandoning the family business with not enough structure, help, and support to sustain itself. But I shouldn't because it has survived 23 years without me and can and will continue. I fear that I will leave my mom and sister to deal with the mess and the stress. But I need to remember that I can be replaced.
I fear that I will disappoint my partner. He aches for change, with inspiration and motivation, and I don't know where to start. He needs more understanding, empathy, connectedness, and sacrifice and I'm scared I can't be all that he wants. I'm scared I simply just don't have it in me.
Friday, July 19, 2013
Friday, February 1, 2013
The Pursuit of Meaning
"What sets human beings apart from animals is
not the pursuit of happiness, which occurs all across the natural world,
but the pursuit of meaning, which is unique to humans": http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2013/01/theres-more-to-life-than-being-happy/266805/
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Creating Yourself
"Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."
Every single day of your life, you have the freedom to make decisions. Every single day with every single decision, you are deciding the type of person you want to be. Every human being gets 24 hours a day, and some of us have created electricity and changed the face of the world and some of us have provided a warm, loving, and supportive family for our loved ones. Some of us have traveled the globe, and some of us have sacrificed everything for love. And many of us spend every day dreading our daily work and passively trudging through life, dreaming of a better tomorrow.
Right now, we get to prioritize your life the way we want to. Give yourself a chance for change. Every day, we get to choose what version of ourselves we want to be, so do something you love, something that drives you, that transforms you. It is so easy to get comfortable with the way things are but sometimes you have to remove the old to give room for something new, even if the outcome is uncertain. Uncertainty and being uncomfortable can often bring about life's most memorable moments. "If you're uncomfortable, you're growing."
Every single day of your life, you have the freedom to make decisions. Every single day with every single decision, you are deciding the type of person you want to be. Every human being gets 24 hours a day, and some of us have created electricity and changed the face of the world and some of us have provided a warm, loving, and supportive family for our loved ones. Some of us have traveled the globe, and some of us have sacrificed everything for love. And many of us spend every day dreading our daily work and passively trudging through life, dreaming of a better tomorrow.
Right now, we get to prioritize your life the way we want to. Give yourself a chance for change. Every day, we get to choose what version of ourselves we want to be, so do something you love, something that drives you, that transforms you. It is so easy to get comfortable with the way things are but sometimes you have to remove the old to give room for something new, even if the outcome is uncertain. Uncertainty and being uncomfortable can often bring about life's most memorable moments. "If you're uncomfortable, you're growing."
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
In Memory Of Tim Zuniga
Dear Tim,
It's been a few months since we last spoke. I didn't realize that we'd never get to talk again. I found out last week. I visited Nor Cal the weekend before you passed and I neglected to call. I thought that my weekend was so crunched with events that we could always hang out another time, but we will never get that chance.
The thing that I'll miss the most about you was that you always made me feel like I mattered. I was one out of several thousand Cal students, one who just needed any job to pay for rent, and against all odds, I got a job walking people home at night. I got to meet you, my boss, but you were more than just a boss, you were a mentor to me, and for that, I'll truly miss you. You always reminded me that I was smart, a fast learner, with a "good head on my shoulders." You told me that I was one of your favorites at work, and to be honest, I never understood why. I didn't say too much and I definitely wasn't a dominant personality in the program. I didn't think I did much to leave any impression.
However, despite what I thought, you made it clear that I was a somebody, and you never stopped making an effort with me. You were the only supervisor/manager/boss I've ever had that has made an effort with me even after I stopped working for you, the only one to still call me when you came to Southern CA, the only one to always make time for me whenever I visit Nor Cal, the only one to Facebook message me just to see how I'm doing, and the only one to leave me a long voicemail when you knew my friend passed away.
I'll miss your Facebook messages and your long responses about your life and your numerous interesting (but long) stories that you always shared with me when we met up. You were never shy to open up about your past or your present, as crazy as the stories were, and I learned a lot from you. I never expressed how much I appreciated that you cared about me and cared to share your life lessons with me, and I'm sure I'm just one of many many lives you've touched. Thank you for all your love and care.
-Jennifer Pham #196
“And when he died, I suddenly realized I wasn’t crying for him at all, but for the things he did. I cried because he would never do them again, he would never carve another piece of wood or help us raise doves and pigeons in the backyard or play the violin the way he did, or tell us jokes the way he did. He was part of us and when he died, all the actions stopped dead and there was no one to do them the way he did. He was individual. He was an important man. I’ve never gotten over his death. Often I think what wonderful carvings never came to birth because he died. How many jokes are missing from the world, and how many homing pigeons untouched by his hands? He shaped the world. He did things to the world. The world was bankrupted of ten million fine actions the night he passed on.”
― Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451
It's been a few months since we last spoke. I didn't realize that we'd never get to talk again. I found out last week. I visited Nor Cal the weekend before you passed and I neglected to call. I thought that my weekend was so crunched with events that we could always hang out another time, but we will never get that chance.
The thing that I'll miss the most about you was that you always made me feel like I mattered. I was one out of several thousand Cal students, one who just needed any job to pay for rent, and against all odds, I got a job walking people home at night. I got to meet you, my boss, but you were more than just a boss, you were a mentor to me, and for that, I'll truly miss you. You always reminded me that I was smart, a fast learner, with a "good head on my shoulders." You told me that I was one of your favorites at work, and to be honest, I never understood why. I didn't say too much and I definitely wasn't a dominant personality in the program. I didn't think I did much to leave any impression.
However, despite what I thought, you made it clear that I was a somebody, and you never stopped making an effort with me. You were the only supervisor/manager/boss I've ever had that has made an effort with me even after I stopped working for you, the only one to still call me when you came to Southern CA, the only one to always make time for me whenever I visit Nor Cal, the only one to Facebook message me just to see how I'm doing, and the only one to leave me a long voicemail when you knew my friend passed away.
I'll miss your Facebook messages and your long responses about your life and your numerous interesting (but long) stories that you always shared with me when we met up. You were never shy to open up about your past or your present, as crazy as the stories were, and I learned a lot from you. I never expressed how much I appreciated that you cared about me and cared to share your life lessons with me, and I'm sure I'm just one of many many lives you've touched. Thank you for all your love and care.
-Jennifer Pham #196
“And when he died, I suddenly realized I wasn’t crying for him at all, but for the things he did. I cried because he would never do them again, he would never carve another piece of wood or help us raise doves and pigeons in the backyard or play the violin the way he did, or tell us jokes the way he did. He was part of us and when he died, all the actions stopped dead and there was no one to do them the way he did. He was individual. He was an important man. I’ve never gotten over his death. Often I think what wonderful carvings never came to birth because he died. How many jokes are missing from the world, and how many homing pigeons untouched by his hands? He shaped the world. He did things to the world. The world was bankrupted of ten million fine actions the night he passed on.”
― Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451
Friday, February 3, 2012
Rain of Warmth (written 12/23/10)
Outside, the cold, hard raindrops splash loudly on the cement, liquid breaking, and the roaring winds clutch each by the throat and throw them from place to place.
'
'
'
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But listen to the gentle drops of water that trickle down the window.
The rain is not cold. It's not harsh. It's not solemn. It's not somber. It's not gray.
Rain is cozy weather. It's an excuse to spend time together.
It's the perfect weather for cuddling.
It's the time to stay in. Play board games. Watch movies. Prep and cook. Wash dishes. Do a lot of nothing.
It's the weather for long socks and hot cocoa and hot showers.
The regular pitter patter sings me lullabies to sleep.
When it rains, it's cold outside, but it's warm with you. Your feet keep my feet warm. :-)
Rain, to me, is the warm home that illuminates the darkness.
That is the rain I miss.
-J.Pham
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