Rain of Warmth (written 12/23/10)

Outside, the cold, hard raindrops splash loudly on the cement, liquid breaking, and the roaring winds clutch each by the throat and throw them from place to place.

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But listen to the gentle drops of water that trickle down the window.

The rain is not cold. It's not harsh. It's not solemn. It's not somber. It's not gray.

Rain is cozy weather. It's an excuse to spend time together.

It's the perfect weather for cuddling.

It's the time to stay in. Play board games. Watch movies. Prep and cook. Wash dishes. Do a lot of nothing.

It's the weather for long socks and hot cocoa and hot showers.

The regular pitter patter sings me lullabies to sleep.

When it rains, it's cold outside, but it's warm with you. Your feet keep my feet warm. :-)

Rain, to me, is the warm home that illuminates the darkness.

That is the rain I miss.

-J.Pham

Self-Help Books

That's right. I read self-help books...and I like them. That's right, you heard right.

My friend asked me if I was embarrassed about reading them...and I was like "Whaaaaaat? Of course not....why should I be?" People try to improve themselves in academics, in sports, build skills to climb in their careers. So what is life?...only the biggest class, the biggest sport, the biggest career in your life. Why shouldn't you focus on trying to improve your life and every aspect of it? What's wrong with making goals and resolutions? What's so bad about learning how to improve my relationships and interpersonal skills? What's embarrassing about opening my mind to alternative life perspectives?

I'm not embarrassed. I read self-help books, and I think I'm awesome.

Washing Dishes

When friends become your family:

When you cook for them, they wash the dishes...and you don't have to dance around and play the "no you don't have to" dance. Courtesy gets cut because the petty and polite mannerisms don't matter. You're family.

I remember in Vietnam, someone telling me I don't have to say thank you because we're friends. I thought about that for a while. It's not that I'm advocating for not thanking and appreciating people. It's the concept that you are very polite to strangers, and you maintain a distance. When you're close, you're more free and frank to do and say as you please and the little things don't matter.

I remember I had 2 friends in college. They would cook for me, and I'd always be doing a sink full of dishes. Hell, they probably just invited me over to do the dishes...one of them at least. haha. But it's cool, because we're family, and he feeds me, so I'm happy to do my part...in doing the dishes.

Treading a Line

I'm treading the line between morality and immorality, although in good consciousness, I know in my heart that I'm clearly on the side of immorality. Society can label it and act like it's ok and it's acceptable as long as 2 parties consent, but in my heart I know that it's not right, not how things are supposed to be. So why keep doing it if it's wrong?

I guess that's the thing about addictions. You can't stop. You fall, you realize it's bad for you, you quit, and then you fall and the cycle starts all over again, over and over like a song on loop playing over and over again.

How I'd Like to Live Life (written Monday, January 05, 2009)

How I'd like to live life

1. Continuously write—to share, to inspire, to transform, to heal.
2. See mistakes not as regrets but as learning experiences.
3. Do things out of love. Love is selfless, serving, sacrificing. “Love makes the world go round.” Love for and from others makes life worth living.
4. Serve others. All great leaders first and foremost sacrifice in service of others.
5. Invest my time in relationships. When I am on my deathbed, I don’t want to be holding onto bank statements or report cards. I want to be bathing in the care of my friends and family. Give people roses when they can still smell them.
6. Appreciate every day. “Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That’s why they call it the present.” Some people would give anything for just one more day to live, to walk, to breathe, to learn, to love.
7. Travel the world. The world is my playground. Why limit myself only to what I’ve seen when there’s a whole world waiting for me to discover it? Different cultures, peoples, and stories eagerly wait to crush my misconceptions, dissolve my stereotypes, and astound my mind.
8. Never stop learning. I am never too old or too wise to learn. My college professors introduce me to a limited field of knowledge but urge me to aim for the unending horizon of research.
9. Never be ashamed of my circumstances but instead take pride in how I respond to them. Life is like a poker game. We play the cards we are dealt. I hope to have the “strength to accept the things that I can't change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”
10. Never forget to put myself in the shoes of others. "Lives that flash in sunshine, and lives that are born in tears, receive their hue from circumstances." I want to remember that people are not just people and their actions, but a consequence of years of social circumstances as well. Everyone carries at least one secret that would break hearts and if we all remembered that, this place would be a better place.
11. Have the strength to let go. Sometimes attachments are so deeply rooted that it hurts to let go, but the truth has to be accepted and put behind us.
12. Forgive. “If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to when you open your heart.”