You drive me a little bit crazy

You drive me a little bit crazy

because when your name pops up on my phone, my heart still races every now and then, even though I've known you for years. Defying the logical, you harness my emotions like a charioteer who knows no bounds.

You drive me a little bit crazy

when you pull me into bed with you and hold me a little longer in the mornings we wake up together. That's the ultimate tease for me. I lay in bed fantasizing about the idea of waking up with you every day, being openly and consistently committed to each other. I'm tired of the sporadic cuddling and hook-ups. I can't wrap my mind around it...For you, is it physical affection or is it just a means to an end?

You drive me a little bit crazy

It doesn't make sense why I want you, why I choose you, why I want to be with you. You're not the cutest guy I've met, and you don't treat me the best. And we're different. We think differently. We understand differently. But it's still you that I want.

You drive me a little bit crazy

when you tell me that you don't like me. It hits me like a strike of lightning, the knowledge that crushes my hopes, knowing you will never admire me or miss me or speak about me or be as excited about me as you are with other girls. And there's nothing I can do about it.

You drive me a little bit crazy

because you never say anything to lead me on. You don't promise me a relationship or a future together, and for some strange reason, that raw honesty is a magnet that draws me closer to you.

You drive me a little bit crazy

I know we're insane fools because only fools do the same thing over and over and expect different results. I know that if we continue down this path, we will throw away our friendship to become strangers again.

You drive me a little bit crazy

because I set my mind not to see you but the instant you call, my well-thought-out walls crumble. I would climb mountains and swim oceans to see you, so your call is more than enough of an invitation to set me running after you.

You drive me a little bit crazy.

I know guys are interested in me, and I won't even give them a shot because I'd rather spend my time with you, knowing full well (but secretly hoping otherwise) it will never lead anywhere.

You drive me a little bit crazy

so sometimes I wanna cut off all ties with you but the thought of not seeing you anymore and not being able to laugh at your witty jokes, not watch TV and movies with you, and not being in your company seems like the worse option, so I'm just a pendulum swinging back and forth between 2 contradicting desires.

Maybe you don't drive me crazy. Maybe I'm just crazy.

Pieces of the Heart

This weekend, one of my close friends came to visit Orange County, and as she was leaving today, I felt a little sad...as if pieces of one's heart are left with close friends, and as they leave, they take a little piece of it with them. When I get to see my close friends again, I feel a little more complete, a little more whole.

(This may be my period talking.)

A Vacation in Mexico

“Doo too di doo” or “Blah blah blah blah blah” or “***************”

These are variations of what I heard from the person checking my boarding pass as I stepped onto the Volaris airplane—It was a long and fast slew of Spanish words that I couldn’t make out. “What?” was my immediate response. Then he repeated everything he had said to me in English: “Give this part of your ticket to my co-worker over there.” “Ok.”

Thus was the beginning of my adventures in Mexico.

I’ve been trying to pick up words and phrases in Spanish, and some of my Spanish vocabulary from high school (6 years ago) comes back to me more and more the longer I am here. Big thank you to Sr. Zavaleta, my high school Spanish teacher, and my mom, who when I wanted to take Japanese in high school said “No, you’re taking Spanish because it will be more useful to you.” Mama knew best.

At the printing shop, we get a lot of Spanish-speaking customers. I found a phrase that I am going to use with my Spanish-speaking customers: Precios bajos. Guarantizado. = Low prices. Guaranteed. ;-)

Some things I found of interest in Mexico:

VIP Theaters- a theater with reclining leather chairs, a table for the food you get, and cupholder for your drinks...relaxing way to watch your movie. Perfection.

Pedestrian Light- The walking man walks at first, and then he walks faster than starts skipping and then running, and then the red light goes on. Clever. I like!

Outdoor gyms- There’s a bunch of outdoor work-out machines, very basic ones of course, but I think that’s cool. To me, I think it encourages working out.

Running- There was this 5km route that I ran that was labeled at every 0.25km. It was a really nice route. I don’t see many trails like this in the US that are labeled for walkers and runners. I see it sometimes on dirt trails for hiking. Does anyone know any?

Guadalajara

Very nice city. The time I spent there reminded me of Vietnam...on the back of a motorcycle, with a helmet that barely fits me, wind racing through my hair and dirt in my eyes.

Guadalajara Zoo

One of the best zoos. There was even an aquarium, a safari (we could hand-feed the giraffes), huge bird cages, and more.

Shopping Mall- part indoor/part outdoor. Very beautiful.

Guanajuato

Beautiful beautiful town. Reminds me of what I see Europe looking like in the movies with stones on the ground and tiny alleys and lots of bands singing and playing music to people at restaurants.

Some things surpass language barriers…sitting eating this Torta Ahogada, and I just felt so warm and welcome even though I tried to tell her food was delicious and she didn’t understand me.

Mummies…this town is really into death

Mines

Torture chambers of some sort

Lots of singing and comedic entertainment

Mexico City

Lots and lots of people! Mexico City apparently ranks 5^th for the most populated city. New York is 4^th. Who knew? I didn’t believe it until I got here. There ARE a lot of people.

Travel Tip: A lot of taxi drivers don't want to use the meter because they want to take the money under the table. It works if you know the correct price. If you're a tourist, try to get a taxi driver who uses the meter. I don't think I've ever travelled anywhere without someone trying to jip me.

Also, Get a hotel in 5 De Mayo street! We’re staying at Hotel Juarez right now, which I like. It’s only 220 pesos a night (right now, $1 USD = 10.8 pesos). The hotel we were staying the day before was Hotel Reforma for 599 pesos and both receptionists we met were unhelpful and always looked irritated. We called them “Mr. Sunshine” and “Miss Sunshine.” The only person we liked in that hotel was the Bellboy, an old man who always smiled at us and bowed at us too. I think he thought we were Japanese. I was really confused when he kept bowing at us, and I was like I’ve never seen a Mexican bow at someone. Chris says that he probably saw some Japanese or Chinese people in a movie bowing at each other and thought that he was following our custom. That made me laugh. I thought it was cute he made that extra effort.

Plaza

Pyramid- There were lines like Disneyland just to get to the pyramid and then in the middle of the pyramid another couple lines for us to proceed to the top. So many people selling souvenirs.

In the plaza

Government Palace

Good Friday Celebration!

Art Gallery

Art Gallery

Food

Torta

Cebolla Asada (?)- Grilled Onions

Chicken Tamale

Sauce

Churros stuffed with chocolate

Pasab...don't remember name. The bread was fried with oil.

Thank you to Chris for housing me, driving me, helping me with Spanish, planning hotels and tours. Good times!

The Power of Love

‎"Love measures our stature: the more we love, the bigger we are. There is no smaller package in all the world than that of a man all wrapped up in himself."
– William Sloane Coffin

Vulnerability-hate or embrace

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

I hold a guard up. With a major in Psychology, I'm always trying to analyze myself...why am I so guarded? If there is something I learned from watching my mom, it's that life usually doesn't turn out like you plan it to...and someone could be here today and gone tomorrow. She said make sure you're financially independent by yourself before you get married because you never know what will happen. The day my mom and dad got married, I don't think they ever thought that they would be divorced and barely able to look at each other. Then there was her next boyfriend...he was someone that was willing to go out of his way for anyone...and he died of cancer. After that, my stepdad. I've seen very little people sacrifice as much comfort as he did to be with my mom. Then he left. And now another boyfriend...he's one of the most kindest, most generous people I have ever met. I don't want to depend on a guy for money or too much of anything for that matter...I guess because I'm waiting for them to leave. I have a fear of abandonment. It's also why I make an effort to respond to people...texts, calls, emails, whatever...I'll respond...because I want people to feel like I'll be there for you, or at least I'll make an effort to do what I can.

When I had my first boyfriend, I would always ask this question, "If we don't work out, we're still gonna be friends right?" I had a hard time believing that romantic relationships could last. My fears prevented myself from putting a lot of effort into it...a part of me was very slow to show affection...but when I did, when I finally felt like I could, that I could see a future with this person, I gave everything I had. I loved and I was vulnerable, and I was heartbroken for it.

I used to hate showing any vulnerability...I always wanted to show people, especially my family, that I'm ok, I'll be ok, and I'm stable. If I ever cried, it was usually silent and in the privacy of my bedroom or bathroom, etc. But in the end, being vulnerable beats always being guarded. Being vulnerable is a risk and a gamble, but I got the chance to become close to someone and it was someone that changed my life. When I took down the wall, I was able to connect to many more people on a more intimate level.

Sometimes when you're vulnerable with someone, you get hurt for it....but honestly, so what? Everyone gets hurt. Time heals all...and in the end, it'll be ok. It's so cliche for people to say, but I keep remembering that...what's the worst that could happen if you show that you're vulnerable? You get hurt...and then you only have one option after that: to get over it.

Vulnerability...I used to hate it, but the more older I'm getting, the more I'm making an effort to embrace it.