Rain of Warmth (written 12/23/10)

Outside, the cold, hard raindrops splash loudly on the cement, liquid breaking, and the roaring winds clutch each by the throat and throw them from place to place.

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But listen to the gentle drops of water that trickle down the window.

The rain is not cold. It's not harsh. It's not solemn. It's not somber. It's not gray.

Rain is cozy weather. It's an excuse to spend time together.

It's the perfect weather for cuddling.

It's the time to stay in. Play board games. Watch movies. Prep and cook. Wash dishes. Do a lot of nothing.

It's the weather for long socks and hot cocoa and hot showers.

The regular pitter patter sings me lullabies to sleep.

When it rains, it's cold outside, but it's warm with you. Your feet keep my feet warm. :-)

Rain, to me, is the warm home that illuminates the darkness.

That is the rain I miss.

-J.Pham

Self-Help Books

That's right. I read self-help books...and I like them. That's right, you heard right.

My friend asked me if I was embarrassed about reading them...and I was like "Whaaaaaat? Of course not....why should I be?" People try to improve themselves in academics, in sports, build skills to climb in their careers. So what is life?...only the biggest class, the biggest sport, the biggest career in your life. Why shouldn't you focus on trying to improve your life and every aspect of it? What's wrong with making goals and resolutions? What's so bad about learning how to improve my relationships and interpersonal skills? What's embarrassing about opening my mind to alternative life perspectives?

I'm not embarrassed. I read self-help books, and I think I'm awesome.

Washing Dishes

When friends become your family:

When you cook for them, they wash the dishes...and you don't have to dance around and play the "no you don't have to" dance. Courtesy gets cut because the petty and polite mannerisms don't matter. You're family.

I remember in Vietnam, someone telling me I don't have to say thank you because we're friends. I thought about that for a while. It's not that I'm advocating for not thanking and appreciating people. It's the concept that you are very polite to strangers, and you maintain a distance. When you're close, you're more free and frank to do and say as you please and the little things don't matter.

I remember I had 2 friends in college. They would cook for me, and I'd always be doing a sink full of dishes. Hell, they probably just invited me over to do the dishes...one of them at least. haha. But it's cool, because we're family, and he feeds me, so I'm happy to do my part...in doing the dishes.

Treading a Line

I'm treading the line between morality and immorality, although in good consciousness, I know in my heart that I'm clearly on the side of immorality. Society can label it and act like it's ok and it's acceptable as long as 2 parties consent, but in my heart I know that it's not right, not how things are supposed to be. So why keep doing it if it's wrong?

I guess that's the thing about addictions. You can't stop. You fall, you realize it's bad for you, you quit, and then you fall and the cycle starts all over again, over and over like a song on loop playing over and over again.