The Power of Love

‎"Love measures our stature: the more we love, the bigger we are. There is no smaller package in all the world than that of a man all wrapped up in himself."
– William Sloane Coffin

Vulnerability-hate or embrace

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

I hold a guard up. With a major in Psychology, I'm always trying to analyze myself...why am I so guarded? If there is something I learned from watching my mom, it's that life usually doesn't turn out like you plan it to...and someone could be here today and gone tomorrow. She said make sure you're financially independent by yourself before you get married because you never know what will happen. The day my mom and dad got married, I don't think they ever thought that they would be divorced and barely able to look at each other. Then there was her next boyfriend...he was someone that was willing to go out of his way for anyone...and he died of cancer. After that, my stepdad. I've seen very little people sacrifice as much comfort as he did to be with my mom. Then he left. And now another boyfriend...he's one of the most kindest, most generous people I have ever met. I don't want to depend on a guy for money or too much of anything for that matter...I guess because I'm waiting for them to leave. I have a fear of abandonment. It's also why I make an effort to respond to people...texts, calls, emails, whatever...I'll respond...because I want people to feel like I'll be there for you, or at least I'll make an effort to do what I can.

When I had my first boyfriend, I would always ask this question, "If we don't work out, we're still gonna be friends right?" I had a hard time believing that romantic relationships could last. My fears prevented myself from putting a lot of effort into it...a part of me was very slow to show affection...but when I did, when I finally felt like I could, that I could see a future with this person, I gave everything I had. I loved and I was vulnerable, and I was heartbroken for it.

I used to hate showing any vulnerability...I always wanted to show people, especially my family, that I'm ok, I'll be ok, and I'm stable. If I ever cried, it was usually silent and in the privacy of my bedroom or bathroom, etc. But in the end, being vulnerable beats always being guarded. Being vulnerable is a risk and a gamble, but I got the chance to become close to someone and it was someone that changed my life. When I took down the wall, I was able to connect to many more people on a more intimate level.

Sometimes when you're vulnerable with someone, you get hurt for it....but honestly, so what? Everyone gets hurt. Time heals all...and in the end, it'll be ok. It's so cliche for people to say, but I keep remembering that...what's the worst that could happen if you show that you're vulnerable? You get hurt...and then you only have one option after that: to get over it.

Vulnerability...I used to hate it, but the more older I'm getting, the more I'm making an effort to embrace it.